How High is too High?

Yesterday was Fathers Day and it should have been a relatively quiet Sunday. My dad is out of town visiting my sister in Texas, so I was home alone. The night before Alejandro had spent the night, and in the morning he took me out to breakfast. It was not something that we usually do, and it was so nice. After I came home I did a little laundry and then decided to take a nap before cleaning the house.

After my nap I start cleaning my room, beginning by taking the sheets off my bed so I could throw them in the washer. And this is where my nice, quiet, first day of summer came to screeching to a halt. There at the end of my bed was a tiny little plastic baggie. When I saw it my heart sank, because I knew instantly what it was, and who it belonged to.

Inside that little piece of plastic was cocaine. Not a lot, but it was what it was. I called Alejandro and asked him if he forgot anything at my house, and he said no. I asked him three more times, and gave him all the opportunity in the world to man up, but he didn't. Finally, I told him what I found and the phone went silent. All he could say was that yes, it was his..but he doesn't do it all the time. At that point, all I was thinking was this: it's over.

I know I say all the time that me and Alejandro are breaking up, and I think that usually I'm lying to myself, rather than to you all. But this is different. So very, heart breakingly different.

See, years ago, before Alejandro and I started dating, I was dating a guy named Alberto. Alberto and I were together for 5 years and during that time I watched him go from a caring, hard working man to a lying, thieving, self centered drug addict. For 3 years I thought I could "fix" him..I thought I could "change" him. But in reality, the only person I changed was myself. And once I finally realized that the man I was in love with no longer existed I left, and I swore to myself that I would never again date anyone who did drugs. I don't buy into the theory that someone can do drugs recreationally...because there is not one single drug addict anywhere who's childhood dream was to become addicted. What happens is that drugs slowly take over your life..and you lose control.

I guess when I ask the question, how high is too high, the answer is simple. Any high is too high. And when you couple it with the fact that he brought that drug into my fathers house, well then, its a no brainer. So as I stood over the toilet flushing away Alejandro's tiny little sack of drugs it struck me as ironic...because as I watched it go down the drain, I realized that my relationship had gone with it.