Save some rain and snow for me!!

Life without my car totally sucks monkey balls, so I think I'm going to take my Aunt up on her offer to come up for a visit. I don't have anything going on here anyways. Alejandro is all talk no action and my "supposed" friends have finally quit their charades. Whether its because I have no job, money or car I don't know and I can honestly say that I don't care anymore. I'm soooo over them. Anyways, this makes my decision to go on a mini-vacay even easier. Up in Washington I have family..and friends who love me and miss me. The only thing that even keeps me here is my dad. The thought of him living in this house, in this city in this state with out a single family member with in 1000 miles breaks my heart and I wont do that to him. So that settles it...in a couple of weeks I'm headed up north for a little break. I hope that it rains the entire time Im there-or even better, snows a little! And with a little luck, my dad will realize how much he missed the Northwest and he'll finally decide to move back. Fingers crossed!!

Can I get some zzzzzzzzz's please?

     Oh man. It seems like my evil enemy insomnia is back...and she's still a total B-I-T-C-H! I'm not sure what is causing it, but I think I have a pretty good idea. When I was with Alejandro we'd typically go to bed at 7:00 on a weeknight. I know, I know--7! But when you have to get up at 5 am (or earlier) 7 isn't so early. Anyways,  he'd always fall asleep during the first novella. I usually would stay up and watch the next one too, but definitely by 9:30 I'd be out. But here at home with no one to sleep next to and nothing to do I stay up all night watching TV.
     Yes, that's right...I believe TV is causing my insomnia. Okay, okay...its not so much the TV but more like my inability to turn the damn thing off. I think in order for me to get some zzzz's I'm going to have to actually take the TV out of my room and have the cable disconnected. Or I could just take the batteries out of the remote, because as we all know-I'm to damn lazy to get up and CHANGE THE CHANNEL!
     Anyways, I gotta for now...Storage Wars is comming on and well, its my new addiction. Toodles!

My 2010 Journey...

Time for a little editing!

I used to call my blog "The World According to ME", but its time for something new so Im changing it to "Jennifer...a work in progress." Which is what I am...a work in progress. Toodles!!

Things I Learned About Myself In 2010...

 1. I am not a nice person.
 2. I am selfish.
 3. The people I previously thought were friends are total bitches who are also selfish and not nice.
 4. I am getting old.
 5. I love my dad, my sister and my girlies more than life itself.
 6. As much as I wish he was, Alejandro is not the man for me.
 7. I am super fat.
 8. I get my feelings hurt way to easily.
 9. I cry way to much...see #8.
10. I dont like who I have become.

You think you got problems??? Well at least you know what they are.

I've always thought of myself as a nice, kind, good person, and a great friend. I've always gone out of my way to make sure that people know that I like them for who they are, not for what they have. And to make sure that they knew it when ever I visited I always made sure that I paid for everything...just because I never wanted anyone to feel used.  It never, ever occurred to me that by doing this I was opening the door for people to just use me. It never once thought that the reason people invited me over to hang out or to go do something was because they knew that Jennifer Moneybags would make sure that everyone had a good time. I truly thought that it was because they liked me. 
So it sucks for me to finally admit that my old friend Corrina was right when she said that some people 'mistake kindness for weakness and they will use it against you'. Now that Ive officially become broke ass Jennifer the list of contacts in my phone is drying up. A while ago I started going through my phonebook and deleting everyone who hasn't contacted me in the last few months. I've also deleted everyone who promises to call me back, is never around when I need a favor, or who only reaches out to me when they need something. I've literally edited 90% of the people I once considered friends. But other than greatly reducing the number of minutes I use each month on my phone it hasn't done a damn thing to make me feel better. In fact, I feel really shitty about everything. Basically, I was paying people to be my friend. I mean how lame is that? And to top it off my all ready low self esteem has plummeted to depths that I didn't even know existed. I've opened up a huge emotional can of worms that I'm struggling with.  I don't know who I am anymore. And worse than that is not knowing how to use this as a growing experience and let it shape me into a better person when I thought all along that I was a good person. I'm constantly wondering whats wrong with me. Am I so horrible of a person that it was only tolerable to around if I was picking up the Tab? If so, then what do I do to become a better person...and if not, then what WHAT IS MY PROBLEM?

Thanks Shelby!

"You gotta stop wearing your wishbone where your backbone oughtta be." --Shelby Nilsen

Thanks Shelby..that was all the inspiration that I needed to get myself back on track.